Hi, I’m Bre. I’m a severe preeclampsia survivor and NICU mama navigating motherhood after pregnancy and birth trauma. I decided to create Mothermade as a way to share my journey and connect with others who have walked similar paths.
As I sit here in our dining room writing this first post, I look at our gallery wall of wedding photos and think to myself, “That happy young couple has no idea the beautiful storm that’s coming.”
The things that made me a mother weren’t typical. My journey wasn’t the usual nesting, showering, and celebrating. In fact, I only got about halfway through my pregnancy before I was hospitalized. Only far enough along to really start thinking about getting the nursery in order.
I didn’t expect the words “resilience,” “uncertainty,” “life or death,” and “trauma” to be a part of my story.
No, the things that made me a mother weren’t putting the final touches on our daughter’s nursery setup—or folding all of her little clothes into neat rows in her dresser—or meal prepping for those first exhausting weeks and months.
Instead, it was being admitted to the hospital at 25 weeks gestation and spending days and nights just trying to stay pregnant and stable.
It was having a midline IV in my upper right arm in case of emergency—where I still have a scar.
It was trying to keep myself busy and distracted from the trauma and “what ifs” of it all.
It was binge-watching home decor and interior design TV shows because the quietness of the hospital room mixed with the machine beeps and constant blood pressure and blood sugar checks felt too overwhelming.
It was taking our own “maternity photos” on hospital grounds, trying to cover up my intense swelling, midline IV, and hospital bracelet.
It was forming relationships with nurses and other mamas on the floor who would flow in and out depending on their shifts and health status.
It was looking forward to my husband’s and dog’s visits every other day—and trying to keep myself busy and distracted on off days.
It was an emergent c-section at just 30 weeks gestation.
It was not seeing our daughter until 5-6 hours after birth, once both her and I were stable enough.
It was living in fight or flight mode each of the 52 days we spent with our daughter in the NICU.
It was watching her fight to breathe and eat on her own.
It was spending my birthday and Mother’s Day in the NICU.
It was finally bringing her home at 7 weeks old (but just 37 weeks gestation).
It was trying to make sense of everything that happened.
It was broken.
It was beautiful.
It was mine.
What to expect from Mothermade.
Motherhood is already a beautiful, messy, wild adventure. So when you add pregnancy and birth trauma on top of it, there’s a lot to process. My hope for Mothermade is to talk openly and honestly about not just the beautiful parts of motherhood, but the messy ones, too. I’ll talk healing, health, hardships, and navigating mothering and family planning after trauma.
❤️